Happy Birthday and Happy Holidays to you, Sir!
I know that today is not your actual birthday, but it’s the day chosen by the Roman Emperor Constantine 300 years after you died. I hope you’ve taken that change in the spirit which it was intended, which was to make the date of your birth near the time of the winter solstice and coincide with as many existing Pagan traditions as possible. This fake date has held up quite well, however, as most of the decorations I’ve seen around here are modern versions of those pagan, solstice-related traditions. So thanks for your acceptance of this multicultural mishmash. Also, thanks for being OK with Santa dominating the holiday.
Since it’s kind of hard to tell whether you’ve been paying attention to us down here or not, (I know you’re busy) I’d like to take this opportunity to give you an update on some things that have been happening. If you already know this stuff, then please forgive me my trespasses.
First, I would like you to know that I’ve read the books about you that people tell me were dictated by your dad. But the fact that they weren’t written down until several generations after you lived makes me wonder a bit about their authenticity. Also, since they contain exact quotes from you, and given all the different translations they’ve been through since they were originally written in Greek (which was, at best, your second language), I’m more than a little skeptical about all of the quotes being accurate. But I do my best to try to extract the general messages, or main ideas, from these writings — mostly because so many people I know say they base their whole outlook on life and death (and beyond) from your words.
So here’s the thing. I’m sure you’ve heard about our election in 2016. And of course you’re also aware that a LOT of people who voted for this president invoke your name, as well as the book of your stories I mentioned earlier, as being reasons for their support for him. As I said, I’ve read quite a bit about you, and to be frank, the things this president has done and said over the past couple of years don’t seem to match up very well with the the things you did and said and tried to teach us to do. (Just yesterday, he tried to talk a 7 year old kid out of believing in Santa Claus, for Chrissake!!!)
This president (and his followers) seem to think that you’ve indicated that America is your favorite country. I’m pretty sure that’s not in your book. In fact, I don’t remember reading much about your thoughts on different countries or particular governments at all, other than telling people they should pay their taxes to Caesar. But this president seems to think that Americans are better than everybody else, and that you have his back on this. He also doesn’t seem to have a lot of compassion for poor people. What the H – E – double – hockey – sticks was your “good Samaritan” story all about, anyway? Have you heard about how this guy feels about poor people from other countries?
There are a lot things he does and says that make it hard for me to believe he’s trying to live his life in a way that you would approve of. But some preachers on TV are even saying that this president has your endorsement and that you and your dad put him in office to represent you! WTF!?!?
Even though the “bearing false witness” (i.e. lying) commandment is from the older books that weren’t about you — (and which I’m often told to ignore parts of, like directives for us to kill gay people and people who eat shrimp or cheeseburgers or screw around on their spouses and stuff like that . . . . . but I digress.) — it does seem to me that you might think that lying, as a way of life, is probably not the ideal path.
There are many more examples of the appearance of a lack of connection between the president’s words and actions and your words and actions. Sometimes I think he’s never even read your books. (“So, two Corinthians walk into a bar . . . . .”) But I digress again. Forgive me my digressions, too, please.
By the way, a couple of things I haven’t mentioned is that he’s also a mean man and very self-centered and wealth-centered. I’m not going to be the judge on those, but he seems more naughty than nice, if you know what I’m sayin’.
I’m sure I’ve bored you enough by now, and you probably have a lot of people hoping to talk to you at your birthday party up there. Give Tammy Faye a hug and Pat Robertson a knuckle tap for me. (Oh wait, he hasn’t flown up quite yet, right?) So I’ll wind up my birthday card now. But I’m just not understanding it, Jesus. I can see how one person might be kind of screwed up in the head and think that he’s the smartest person in the world and knows what’s best for everybody and only wants people around him who worship him. (Just to be clear, I’m talking about the President, not you.) But what I can’t figure out is why the people who are the strongest followers and supporters of you, are also the strongest supporters of this other guy. They have the same information about you as I do. I’m not aware of a different book about you than the one I’ve read.
But I just . . . don’t . . . get it.
So my question for you is this (and I’d like an honest answer, please):
Is this stuff that’s going on right now REALLY what you were trying to teach us do?
Happy Holidays and have a fun birthday! Hope to talk with you again on Easter, if not sooner. Stay in touch!
(Oh, and P.S. At the risk of sounding like a tattle-tale, I hope you know he doesn’t give a shit about the environment. OK thanks. Bye.)